We Are Home.

I apologize to all you for not updating this sooner. But as you can imagine, now that i am home, i am BUSY. I have been going non-stop since i walked in the door. And if i have some down time, i'm not on the computer or even watching t.v., i'm literally SITTING in the chair and rocking ONE of my three boys. Ideally i would clone myself about three more times. I've said this so many times, its old news. I know i'm not the only Mom to say this either.

The next few weeks are extremely hectic. I have all sorts of appointments and paperwork, as well as squeezing in a follow-up trip back to CHOP to meet with general surgery (to check Henry's G-Tube) as well as the first consult with Plastics for Henry's cleft l/p. They are aiming to do the first surgery on the lip at the three month mark. That's in a month and a half!

I admit that I am having a hard time adjusting to having THREE children to take care of. I'm not entirely convinced that i would feel less stress were Henry not needing special care. I think if the age gap were greater between especially Thom and Henry, I MIGHT manage easier. But I'm constantly feeling torn among all three which is then leaving me feeling like i'm ignoring them ALL. At least for a month, my dad has graciously offered to help us out by putting Thom in daycare three days a week, along with Sam. The days do not coincide, unfortunately (or possibly FORTUNATELY), but it will be a way of getting things done, focusing on Henry, as well as individualizing some love for all three boys, at least for a while, while things are still settling down and getting situated.

I am now a G-Tube Dressing-Changing PRO! I do it daily and its no big whoop. I KNEW i would feel this way, and i'm just glad to have gotten to it so fast. I've also established a little daily "moment" with Henry in his mouth care. That means i take a little sponge on a stick, get it wet, and clean out the MUCK from his mouth drying up. Then i goop up his lips and 'nose-thing' with vaseline to keep it all moist. He sits there calmly and lets me do it. I think he knows he's getting some special luvvin care. :-)

Sam is WONDERFUL with Henry. He often comes up to kiss his head, gently touch Henry's little nose and say "You're such a good boy, Henry." Sam often asks when I'm going back to Philly and i don't focus on that very much. He continues to tell me every night at bedtime, after our hug and kiss, how much he missed me and asks when i'll be leaving again. I keep telling him that I'm home now. "For good?" - "For good." Thomas, on the other hand, has nothing to do with Henry other than going up and stealing the pacifier from his mouth. Otherwise, he doesn't care.

I am very much riding a roller coaster of emotions these past few days. One day is VERY good and very positive and everything seems very doable and natural and manageable. Then the next day, i wake up with tears, sure that i cannot handle anything and it's all TOO MUCH. I am eager to find a more reasonable and sensible MIDDLE GROUND of emotion and well-being. I think Thom going to daycare for a bit will help find that middle ground, as well as providing some awesome and much needed stimulation for Thom. I remember when Sam went to school, watching him emerge and grow and it was exciting! Ron has been amazing through all of this, very much my ROCK and just as stable. Ron just asks what needs to be done and does it. I envy him in many ways for being so amenable with our situation. We balance one another quite well, this is coming out more and more.

Updates and pics forthcoming, i promise. Just gimme a little time... :-)