My Big Boy

I've been thinking about and observing Samson a decent amount lately, for some reason. I'm watching him grow into A Big Boy before my eyes. I'm listening to his words and phrases, the matching expressions on his face. The way he "quizzes" me on Star Wars trivia and then when i get it right, the patronizing, but approving eyebrow-wag while saying "Pretty good, Mom... I'm impressed." Pair such comments with the innocense and naivety to the knowledge that I've been on this planet for FORTY YEARS and definitely know that Princess Leia is Luke's sister, and the whole thing is priceless and heart-warming. Sam often puts down what he's doing to go out of his way to hug me, a lot of times out of the blue (read: he doesn't ALWAYS want something!). Samson's eyes get large and concerned when he sees me crying, and the way he gently caresses my face and says, "Don't cry Mom" seems almost surreal and way beyond his years...

On the other side of this coin is Samson, the biblical icon who flies into a rage when he's angry. [He does not, like the story, cause too much of a rukkus when I go to cut his hair - quite the opposite really.] Sam boldly talks back, only occasionally showing TRUE regret for his outbursts. But mostly, he seethes beneathe a deep furrowed brow, giving me a look quite resembling Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I think most of it is for dramatic effect, given the nature of Sam in the paragraph above, which actually makes the whole incident kind of comical and endearing (in retrospect, as these things go). Sam "tests the waters" like a true champ. When he's on his game, i could strangle him... with a SMILE!

"How DARE you talk to your mother like that?!"
"Samson, don't you push Beegsley like that! That's RUDE! He didn't do anything to you!"
"Sam, don't step on your brother's foot and then try to tell me it was HIS FAULT it was in your way! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!!"

Already, a mere 5 years have passed, and so many milestones and cute little moments have become a blur to me. My friend Natalie often reminds me of things Sam did, and i look at her, befuddled and embarassed, that i cannot remember such memorable events. I am thankful for this blog, for documenting, both in pictures and words, but i think, if i am going to use this as a reference tool, i need to write more anecdotes. More stories of things said and done, the things that seem oh-so-unforgettable at the time, but have a way of becoming dust-bunnies in my brain, forgotten under other thoughts and concerns.

Samson Vonnegut - i daydream all the time of the many steps you'll take to becoming a self-sufficient man. When you told me last night, very matter of fact, that you'll do me a 'favor' and put yourself to bed, i responded, very matter of fact, and casually with, "Okay Sam." You said, "Yeah... you get Tommy all settled in, and you can be all concerned with him, but i'll just sneak out and tuck myself in. It'll be cool." And then we proceded with story time, both boys, snuggled into Mommy, laughing and playing and sneaking hugs and kisses...

... and when it was TRULY time to get into bed, i checked and said, "So Sam... you still wanna put yourself to bed?"
"No. You can do it. I want you to put me to bed, Mom."
And i smiled... and said, "Sure, buddy. I'd love to."

I'll tuck Sam in for as long as he'd like. But i draw the line if his wife is lying next to him in bed. Then she can do it. ;-)